Who manipulated whom?

Whom. That’s right – it should be whom, not who. Whom is used when the person referred to is the object and who is used when the person referred to is the subject.

I see I digress (but it’s an important grammar lesson everyone should pay attention to.)

From http://www.wikihow.com/Pick-Up-on-Manipulative-Behavior –

• The guilt trip – this manipulative behavior seeks to make you feel guilty and is aimed at sending you into the land of “should” rather than standing up for your own values.
• The assumption statement – this manipulative tactic seeks to turn your behavior into what the beholder perceives it as, whether or not their interpretation is accurate. Soon leads to a guilt trip because no matter what, your refutation is proof of the assumption.
• The confronting statement – this manipulative approach is about causing an argument. That way, the provoker will end up making you feel terrible over something you didn’t do or say but for which you ought to feel guilty anyway and they’ll get a huge chunk of sympathy with which to manipulate you all over again.

Of the five listed on the site, I think I was the object of the three above simultaneously, especially the second. But I felt like I was the one who was at fault, felt terrible for days, still am not sure etc. Hurtful things were said of how I should have been or what I should have done. Assumptions were made of who I am naturally – as in certain unfavorable character traits are in my nature, according to the accuser!  

This is not the first time I have gone through this, it has happened more severely in the past. I have done this to other people too and probably am doing it right now, and I am not proud. What I do have now is the ability to recognize the behaviour.

There are different kinds of manipulation and we are all consciously or sub-consciously manipulative to varying degrees. It is a component of human nature.

But it always hits very hard when one’s on the receiving end, that’s a part of learning. Do you learn not to do it or do you learn how to? 🙂

The question is what do you do when you realize –

1. you were wrongfully accused at one point in time?

2. you have been everything that you have been accused of, at some previous point in time?

How do you correct the things you have done? How do you get the things done to you corrected?

Blank.

(Say Karma and I will send you a heartfelt virtual slap!)

Maybe I will figure it out as I go on.